Hey! Hey! Did you see the news! Yo! Hey! Did you see the news!

Guess what? I did! I see the news every day. I used to make the news! I’d write it, I’d make it, I’d distribute it! The news!

You know what show about the news is great that made the news? The Newsroom. It’s so newsy and great and fantastic and it’s all about the news?

Get this – a character walks in, they say “I’ve got the news,” and everyone stops writing at their desks. Silently, they observe as the news holder walks across the room to talk to Jeff Daniels. “You’ve got the news?” Jeff Daniels asks. “Are you sure it’s news?”

“Yes,” The character responds tearfully. “It’s the news and we need to deliver it now.”

Everyone in the newsroom on the Newsroom knows all about the news, so they all naturally begin furiously typing and writing and phone calling and snorting cocaine and masturbating – just like real newspeople do every day.

In another scene, the news guy walks up to the news girl and asks her – “Hey, did you see the news from  yesterday?”

She doesn’t respond. She turns away. This is all part of a setup for the third season where it turns out she can’t read.

It’s absolutely fucking brilliant and all I’m doing is watching the Newsroom. That wonderful news music, all about the news, and how the news is news and newly reported on news. I absolutely fucking love to inject my taint with the news. I take random pieces of news and shove them into my massive, wide open asshole, lovingly adorned with a tattoo of Aaron Sorkin. Few people can say they love the news as much as I do.

I just bought the entire 14-season collection of Newsroom on laserdisc. You can’t contain my love for the Newsroom. They see things happen and retroactively pretend they made the right decisions about the news. How can you not like that? The news is the news, after all.

Sir? Have you heard about the news? The news is here. Sir? I have news to report while flying on this passenger jet to Laguardia. Osama Bin Laden is dead sir. We’re 40,000 feet above the ground and you’re a military man, sir, and I have news you’d like to know. Sir. Osama Bin Laden is dead, sir. You had a vested interest in that news, more than anyone else on this plane, including the daughter of a guy that died on 9/11. The news has been delivered sir.

They tearfully embrace.

Then he sucks his dick.

Everyone claps.

The news.