If I ever win at anything, you’ll know. You’ll understand and you’ll know. You’ll say – that guy won. He’s a winner. I am absolutely a winner beyond words. You will grasp the importance of me winning.

There will never be another champion of skee ball in Atlantic City like me. Tell your fuckin kids to stay in college – they’ll never reach the heights I’ve achieved in such a short amount of time.

I have no regrets, I say as I request to be buried under the boardwalk after dying of skee ball addiction.