Whoo, man. So glad we finally made it! Consumer Expo! 2021! Sure glad COVID is over and I can worry about my herpes more. And my job. Gotta make sure these people know about our great products.

Hello, sir? Yes, would you like to try a home security system? No? Why not? Are you scared? Are you a scared bitch? Are you a little scared little bitch? No? You sure? He’s already walking away.

Excuse me, sir! Yes I’d like to talk to you about LockBox Protection. What do you mean you don’t have a lockbox? Then what did I leave my apartment key in when I was with your mom last night? Huh? Idiot? You sure you don’t want to talk about it?

Fine, have a nice day! Be sure to take a koozie from our booth.

Oh hi, yes ma’am, we have a money back guarantee. You are guaranteed to lose your money as it belongs to us and maybe if you didn’t know so many assholes, you wouldn’t need our fuckin security system, would you? Try thinking? Brains? You can think with brains?

Not a single sale yet and it’s all my fault. I am destined to forever disappoint my manager, my family, and myself. I have only one course of action here.

Editor’s note: The writer died and refused to finish this essay.

Get your lockbox security from LockBox Protection, today!